Handbasket Report — Old News (Not Really)

I just received an email from a friend in Montana who’d received it from someone else and so forth.

Here are the first lines:

“Manifesto Coming Along Fine”

| Issue 35•14

LIBBY, MT—Ken Hausch, a Libby-area Luddite separatist and conspiracy theorist, announced Monday that his much-anticipated manifesto, My Lonely Battle Against The Mind-Control Slavery Of The Illuminati And Its Footmen In The CIA, KGB, U.N., Vatican, NASA, IRS, AT&T, Federal Reserve, Disney, The Order Of Skull & Bones, And The Rosicrucians, is “coming along fine” and should be completed by fall of this year.

The workspace of Ken Hausch, who is “really pleased” with how his manifesto is turning out.

“So far, so good,” the unemployed, one-time University of Washington physics graduate student said. “Right now, I’ve got about 14,600 pretty solid pages in the can, with probably fewer than 5,000 to go. Once that’s done, it’ll just be a matter of double-checking the facts, tightening up the writing and making sure the whole thing’s got a nice, cohesive flow.”

Perhaps I know too much about Montana, my alma mater, and wannabe writers, but when I read these first few lines, I didn’t instantly laugh.

Instead, I thought, oh please, oh please, and hit a quick search for the source. I breathed out when the search revealed a 1999 issue of the satirical newspaper the Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/manifesto_coming_along_fine

I spent a few happy minutes there pondering that 1999 date and perusing some of the current articles such as their Onion‘s current lead article: “New College Graduates to Be Cryogenically Frozen until Job Market Improves.”

I love satire. So often it’s more plausible than reality.

Cassandra

Advertisements

One Response to “Handbasket Report — Old News (Not Really)”

  1. Babz Says:

    I wasn’t sure if this was for real, but it’s plausible because Libby is a very, very strange town. I know a woman with a tofu mfg “company” on the Rez who has a giant pyramid in her living room to protect her from the evil transmissions. And a guy who has train cars buried on his property, wired for electricity to be powered by a bicycle, so when the US is invaded, he can hide out. Of course, he’s clear-cut his property and also erected a big lookout tower…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: